Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Pushing back

Have you ever pushed back a doctor’s appointment because you were embarrassed or ashamed to face your doctor? Well I have been doing that for almost a year… I think. About two weeks ago I received a call from one of my docs asking me to call their office. Apparently my doc is moving to brighter pastures. I was crushed. I had to go in. I have not seen her since my post-partum checkup. That was over a year ago. During my pregnancy, we talked about my dissertation…she was in my field. We put together a plan for me to lose weight. In a way she was a mentor. I wanted to make her proud. So I kept putting off seeing her until I couldn’t do it anymore. I went in and found out that I literally weighed the highest I ever did in my life. Before I thought I hit that number last year. However when I read my journals from 2 years ago, I reached that “milestone” when going through my Depo episode. (In short - within 2 months I gained 30 lbs and it took a year to get out of my system.)

Now I stepped on the scale and it read 247. What. In. The. WHAT??!?!? I could have fell out right there. Needless to say it did not jump start my efforts again. It took me about two weeks to figure out what went wrong. How did I lose myself?

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