Thursday, March 18, 2010

I will survive

What is going on with me?

I can usually state a goal and work towards it with everything I have.

Now I just want to get by…and not get caught.

Maybe I need to redefine who I am.

I am a 35 year old mother of two – 3yrs and 1 yr. I am also wife to a hubby that has a traveling job. Oh, let’s not forget I am working on my dissertation. So in totality, I am basically a single parent (except on the weekends) that is in school.

I struggle to find the energy to play with my kids sometimes. I am so preoccupied at my laptop working on my dissertation that they have learned to play by themselves. I plan to wake up in the mornings at 5am to work out and do school work, but I can barely get out of the bed. My oldest son crawls into bed with me at night when daddy’s away and he is a wild sleeper. So I say that I will work when they go to bed. Well by the time they settle down, I am too tired and just want to watch some grown up TV. So I sit back in my recliner and rest.

I need to get my mojo back. I think I seriously maybe in some sort of depression. After childbirth my husband says I have no drive; he says I have changed. He wants the old me back, so do I. I want to complain that he is never here to help out which is why I am so run down and tired. However, he is working so that I can be a stay at home mommy and go to school. It would make no sense for me to complain. I just need to get it together.

When my house is messy, correction, when my kitchen is a mess, my whole day is a mess. So I need to focus on just keeping that one area clean, it is my foundation. It is funny how that one room controls my mood. If I just take baby steps, the rest will fall in line.

Well, lastly, you should know that most of the time I will not talk about weight. Why? Because my weight is merely a reflection of what is going on in my life. I have figured out that my weight loss journal will be 90% mental and 10% following the plan. Welcome to my journey!

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