Saturday, February 27, 2010

When does it become real

When does a lifestyle change become real (tangible)? After 5lbs, 10lbs, 15lbs?

I am a quantitative kind of gal. I need to see numbers to believe the results. With me 5lbs is just water weight; that goes the same for 10lbs. So when 15lbs is gone, I might be on to something ;-)

I also measure my success by the hour. Some people look at making it through the week as being successful. For me, I just need to make it hour by hour to make sure I do not mindless snack. So I guess if I can make it until the end of the day, I will feel proud.

You may wonder, what am I talking about. Well, I need to make small goals in order to remain motivated on my journey. Of course, it cannot solely be about the numbers. So I am starting on a list.

How about you...what are (were) your goals?

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Mommy what is that?

This was the question my 3 year old asked me while he was looking in the stove. I told him it was fish (as I winced). He looked at me and then looked back at the fish and said..okay.

It was at that moment that I realized that the "fish sticks" from the box would no longer cut it. It is such hard task for me to find food for my 1 year old and 3 year old to eat. I tried giving everyone the same thing and forcing him to sit at the table, but that only made him mad. The now 1 year old resorts to spitting out the food and throwing it on the floor. Sigh...

Even though it maybe hard and may take some trial and error, we are all going to eat the same food. I just have to find some healthy child friendly recipes, even if they do look like finger food. I will not have my son thinking that those yellow logs in the stove is the way fish really looks.

Monday, February 22, 2010

So tired

So whose idea was it to schedule 4 (FOUR?!?!) children appointment's today?

That would be me... starting at 8 in the morning at the dentist....

I am going to eat some ice cream....

I am pooped ;-(

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Food dysfunction

I have a food dysfunction. You may say obviously…that is why you are overweight. Well, say it with me …duh! But it is not that simple.

Food is meant to nourish us. It is suppose to give us energy and help us live a long life. However, I have been using it as a crutch. I use it to mask my emotions. When I am stressed, I do not want a salad or fruit, I want candy, chips and anything that will give me permission to forget about my problems and enjoy some fatty goodness for at least 5 minutes. Whenever I usually finish up whatever it is I chose to eat, I realize either (1) I cannot believe I ate it all, (2) I cannot even remember how it taste and/or (3) the problem was still there.

I think this dysfunction comes from my childhood. I grew up in a household where my mother was always on a diet. We had Slim Fast, Weight Watchers, the 3 day diet, the grapefruit diet, and the cabbage soup diet. It wasn’t so much that she was always on a diet. It was the fact that it was taped to the refrigerator… all the time. When we went to the store, I always had to look at the fat and calories. It was not a teaching moment; it was to see which one she could eat while on a diet.

Thinking back to the contents of our fridge, it was mainly healthy. None of that processed food. However, that unfortunately was not the image that sticks out from my childhood. It was that she was always on a diet. Whether she knew it or not, this caused my relationship with food to be warped. In high school, I weighed myself every week thinking I was too fat. I was 5’2” weighing 125lbs. However I subconsciously always thought I was fat.

Even though we had healthy food in the house, the cupboard was always stocked with snacks for us. It is 4 of us and one is a boy. So we went through snacks like it was nothing. Thinking about my two boys – 3 yrs and 1 yrs old – I do not want them to grow up with a dysfunction. I do not want them to always see my husband and I on a diet. I want them to learn about food and how to eat it. I want them to enjoy it with us; I want us to be a healthy family. I want them to go enjoy going to the farmers market. I want to instill in them a good relationship that one can have with food.

Even now when I go see my parents, my weight is always mentioned. When I think about it, my sisters and I are now always on a diet or always in the gym. We never seem to reach that point where it clicks when we can get over our dysfunction. This is my year. I am determined to make it click.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Blame it on the ....

I think I set myself up to fail. It is either that or I am scared of success. Yeah, I will take door number 2 please.

I bought this Body Bugg thingamajig on my birthday, two weeks ago. My husband saw his fellow co-worker at a conference the week before and he lost over 80lbs. He asked him how he did it and he said it was all because of the Body Bugg. Instead of estimating how many calories you are losing a day, it gives you an accurate count because you wear it on your arm 24/7. It is like an electronic armband.

The first week I had it, I just let it tell me how many calories I burned. One day I decided to also track my food but after looking at the results, I was too ashamed to even put the other days in. I now realize that I consume way too many calories than I burn. I think I was and am still in a little bit of denial about how much I must change my eating habits.

Yesterday I started out great. I had a spinach egg white omelet with flourless wheat berry bread. I joined it with applesauce and some water. At lunch time I had a wheat tortilla filled with tuna and spring mix salad. It was topped with a mixture of balsamic vinegar and lemon juice. Of course, I had water as well. For snack I had a serve headache, I wanted candy. But since I was too lazy to go out, I had a papaya and mango smoothie. It was simply delicious. Then it happened. I looked outside and saw that our snowpocalypse was back – for the third time. The hubby came home and declared we were doomed – again. So he suggested why not chicken fingers, since it was the official food of a winter storm. I looked at him crazy and then gave in. So we go bundled up and hauled the two toddlers to the car and braced the storm all for chicken fingers, Texas toast, French fries, and a milkshake. What is wrong with this picture? I will not even look at the calories for the sake that I may pass out and never recover.