Thursday, December 9, 2010

I spy with my little eye

Learning the right portion sizes is one thing. Learning the right sizes and carbohydrate portions is another thing. It is amazing how many grams of carbohydrates are in a portion. Take for instance the innocent steel cut oatmeal. Usually I would eat one serving with fruit for breakfast. Unfortunately, I have just learned that one serving is 35 grams of carbohydrates…whoops. Considering the fact that I am restricted to 35 carb grams per meal, I am at a lost. If I cut the portion size, which is just a cup, in half and substitute it with fruit, I do not feel satisfied.

When I started this journey, I learned that a portion size was the size of my fist. So my protein, vegetables and starch were about the size of a deck of cards. Now with my handy scale, I feel that I am eating for a rabbit. Since I also have a slow thyroid, I need to make sure that each meal has enough protein.

I have literally been on an energy and carbohydrate rollercoaster for the past three months. I have now decided to turn to my trusty calorie counting and nutrition application for my meal planning. Of course, I have to rely on their database for food calculation or put it in myself. However, it must be done. Planning my daily meals at night is something that I can do when the toddlers go to sleep at night. Granted my snacks and other food are already portion sizes for quick meals but now I have to turn into somewhat a forensic eater.

Just think, I always wanted to be a detective ;-)

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Darn you popcorn

AGHH!

I ordered a crate of popcorn (12 bags) for my son's teachers and busdrivers. This popcorn is so delicious and I have 12 different flavors. They were a hit last year so I decided why not.

I got them a week ago and the little toddler has been floor surfing with the box since then. I decided to put it in my pantry. Every time I went in there it was calling me. So I said that I would have just ONE bag and split it with the big toddler (I MUST find him a name). We split it but then I didn't feel satisfied. Now I am on my second bag. To my advantage, it is only a small bag. However, now I feel bad. I let a back of popcorn take me in!! sigh

I would start giving them out now but he has a week left in school. Hmmm... I can't freeze them because they are already popped. Oh I got it! I am going to put them over the stove. Since I am short, I am going to have to use a chair to hide them. I definitely won't be tempted to sneak anymore because I do not like the toddlers to see me standing on chairs. Plus the hubby will question my motives once he sees me take the chair to the kitchen.

Yes, I have a plan!

Monday, December 6, 2010

Success..soft of

Thanksgiving was a rousing success. My family even took leftovers home. Now to Christmas planning… let the fun being!

Oh, about my goal to have an active Thanksgiving holiday. Well, the toddler got sick and had a fever of 102 all weekend. He did not even eat Thanksgiving dinner which should have been a clue. We nursed him back to health and on Monday we all went mall walking. The days when we were home the hubby and the other son (which I need to get a nickname for) went to the basement to jump on the trampoline. So they got exercise in after all.

I broke down yesterday and got a kitchen scale. After two weeks of losing nothing and following my plan the best I could, I decided that my portion sizes must be way off. The scale is nothing fancy, just the store brand which does ounces and grams. Once I get sophisticated with meals, I might move up to a programmable one.
If anyone out there has a kitchen scale, which one do you simply LOVE?

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Goble Goble

Happy holidays everyone!

My goal this year is to have an active holiday. By active I do not mean walking back and forth from the kitchen with a plate. It is also not walking back and forth from the television to the kitchen. To me, it is an organized effort to get some exercise. I have yet decided if shopping at the mall the day after Thanksgiving qualifies.

We previously decided that we were going to do the turkey trot this year. So as I am registering us, the hubby asked why I had my wallet out. I told to pay the registration fees. His reply .. “we have to pay to walk down the street?” I tried to explain to him that we were walking for a cause. He still was not impressed that we had to pay “to walk around the block”. Thus my goal for the trot will be delayed until next year – ha!

Currently it is raining heavily here; it started last night. I am still planning for us to get outside and do some form of activity. I weighed myself this morning and I know my starting point for the holidays. I will not be taken in by our pumpkin cupcakes ;-)

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Vegetarian Holiday

Preparing for the holidays is such a relief for me. Why? It helps me stay in control.
I have started beginning to think about Thanksgiving dinner. I have the “honor” of it being hosted at my house. Since my family is about 75% vegetarian while the hubby is 100% vegetarian, you would think that this would present a challenge. Honestly, it does not. However that did not start the complaining ALREADY about the menu. Some of the questions / comments – “are we having tofu mac and cheese?”; “what are we eating?”; “can I bring the meat?”; “I do not know about this – are restaurants open in your city?” ; “I do not understand what is going on!”

I can understand the concerns because before started down this journey, I thought it was only filled with eating tofu 1000 ways. True, a lot of the recipes and meat substitutes in the stores are soy based, however that is not how we do it. We try to use natural, unprocessed, soy-free food. No soy because of my thyroid condition which is now a blessing in disguise. We are now free to recreate and discover the world of clean eating.

I explained to my peeps that our dinner will be just like a meatless dinner. We are just replacing the meat with vegetables. Here is my menu:

“Turkey” loaf made from mushrooms
Greens with vegetable broth instead of meat
Macaroni and cheese with butternut squah
Stuffing with cranberries and mushrooms
Zucchini loaf
Vegan apple pie (ordered from local vegan bakery)
Fresh fruit bowl


Doesn’t this sound yummy? I will let you know how it goes.

So what will be on your plate?

Saturday, November 13, 2010

I love to walk!

Has it really been that long since I have been here? I knew I was busy but goodness the time has flown.

Yes I am still working on my dissertation..blah blah blah

However I came here to talk about my love of walking; specifically mall walking. I have been doing this regularly for the past couple of months. I have missed a couple of days for various reasons but I have been pretty consistent. Rain or shine, even if I am dead tired, I drive to the mall. Of course during my ride to the mall, I am going over all the reasons in my head while it may be better for me to go home and get in those extra hours of sleep before my little one comes back from school. By the time I rationalize it with myself, I am already in the mall parking lot and it would be such a waste to turn around ;-)

Anyhoo, I realize that my body likes it when I walk. I NEED to get out in the morning and do something. If not, I am dragging throughout the day. Given I already have a thyroid problem that is sapping my energy, it is imperative that I get up and do something every day. This is where mall walking came to life.

Where I leave, we have harsh winters and sometimes working out in front of the television gets boring. I could go down into the basement and do the cross training machine but it is so cold in the morning. So I decided to look for some place where I could just simply walk.

I found out that the mall down the street opens an hour earlier for walkers. I thought this was the perfect answer. Now I find that it is funny. Why? I am the youngest person among the morning walkers. As a matter of fact, I could be everyone’s granddaughter. When I first started walking, they sincerely thought that I was trying to walk fast to get to a store. However when I completed my first loop, they thought I was scanning the mall for sales. Now months later, I get waves, smiles and nods.

Here are some simple benefits about walking.

1. It prevents type 2 diabetes
2. It strengths your heart
3. It is good for your brain
4. It is good for your bones
5. It alleviates symptoms of depression
6. It reduces the risk of breast and color cancer
7. It improves fitness
8. It improves physical function
9. It is FREE!

When was the last time you had a good walk?

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Nursing my neck

I have a neck spasm and it hurts oh so much. Therefore I will leave you with an article I ran across entitled "The 13 Biggest Nutrition and Food Myths Busted".

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Carbs, carbs and more carbs

How many carbohydrates do you take in per meal? No I am not going on this carbohydrate counting voyage. I am just asking. Are you really aware what you put into your mouth?

According to my nutritionist, she only wants me to eat between 30-40 grams of carbohydrates per meal. I readily agreed because I thought that was a lot. Boy was I wrong. When I began to actually look at the nutritional data, I was consuming between 50-75 carbohydrates per meal. If someone is on a 2,000 calorie diet, the recommended daily intake is between 225 to 335 grams. If someone eats 5 small meals a day, that is only 45 to 67 grams per meal. Now if I decided to eat “healthy” and get a veggie sub from Subway that is already 45 carbohydrate grams. (I am getting this information directly from the website so I have no idea what is included in their calculations). If I add baked chips that adds 23 grams which puts me over the limit. This is what someone might do who thinks they are eating healthy. I do not even want to get started on breakfast.

Now I am making more conscious decisions about what I eat. My cabinet is basically empty of those “healthy” prepackaged snacks. They were not my friends. Of course some might say, well it is moderation and you are right. However, when you only have a limited number of carbohydrates to give per meal, you become very selective and find other avenues to fuel your body. This is how I discovered clean eating.

Clean eating is basically eating food in its natural state. Instead of fruit juice, now I have fruit and drink water with it. Instead of jar tomato sauce, I make my own. I am trying to eat food with its original color and form. Of course, I still have to watch my carbohydrates but now I do not really have to worry about extra salt, sugar and other factors that are in food. Do not get me wrong, I have NOTHING against prepackaged food or prepared meals. I am not putting down anyone who pops in a microwave meal from time to time. It is just at this point in time, that is no longer an option for me and I like it. I like discovering how food taste and looks. I like discovering how to cook new, fresh meals from scratch. I like how a fruit smoothie tastes with just fresh fruit, ice and water sans the fruit juice. I just like it and Clean Eating Magazine is helping me through this process.

I will share more later…me sleepy….nite nite.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Underactive thyroid

Sorry for the delay. The little one started school last week and with the battles between getting him to get on the bus and eating more veggies, I was too drained to write. But back to my “problem”.

I have an underactive thyroid which is medically called hypothyroidism. According to the Mayo Clinic, “Your thyroid gland produces two main hormones, thyroxine (T-4) and triiodothyronine (T-3). They maintain the rate at which your body uses fats and carbohydrates, help control your body temperature, influence your heart rate, and help regulate the production of protein”. In short, it controls my metabolism and affects my hormones. Since mine is underactive, I would say it is on a permanent vacation.

I am now on a synthetic hormone which reverses its effects. However, I do not want to stay on this for the rest of my life. I am currently looking for a natural solution so if anyone has heard anything, please let me know.

The “good” thing about my two conditions is that I HAVE to lose weight. Considering that my thyroid is affecting my metabolism, I really have to watch what I eat. Combined with the fact that I have diabetes, watching what I eat is now a norm for me. Did I realize something was wrong with me? Yes but I attributed to giving birth a year ago; I thought I was simply in a rut. I can truly say that it pays to go for your annual visit on time instead of pushing it back continuously like I did.

Now I have a longer road to travel back to health….but I am okay with that.

Friday, August 20, 2010

10 Diet Disasters

According to this article, there are 10 ways to ruin your diet.

10. Overeating away from home
9. Not reading labels
8. Eating too fast
7. Denying yourself your favorite food
6. Guilt over mistakes
5. Putting too much "weight" on the scale
4. Not exercising enough
3. Emotional eating
2. Thinking of your diet as a diet
1. Letting one mistake start you on a downward path


Thoughts?

Thursday, August 19, 2010

How good is your diet?

I ran across this article while researching about my thyroid. It reviews the pros and cons of over 60 diets.

Enjoy!

Diets A - Z

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Gathering Information

For all of those who have been following me for a while, it is a known fact that I have a problem with sugar. I crave it and I cannot get enough of it. I have always been “drawn” to it since I was small. Diabetes runs in my family so that should have been a clue for me. Usually I was able to control my cravings by eating fruits and just ignoring it. It was not until after my first child that the craving really started to kick in.

Over the past year or so, I have tried detox plans to wean me off of artificial sugar sources but that did not last long. I think recently I even spoke to the fact that this was a real problem for me. Now that my doctor has confirmed that I have a problem, I have gone into overdrive with learning about Type 2 Diabetes and how to control it.

My doctor is giving me 3 months to lower my A1C from 7.6 to at least 7. She wants me to rely mainly on diet and exercise because she had to put me on medication for my thyroid. I went right into action by contacting a support network and finding a dietician. Upon initial research, this type of diabetes can be controlled.

I was given a lot of information from my dietician and will probably have to psend a whole day making sure my menu meets the required allotments. Here are some of the websites she directed me towards. I will talk about my thyroid tomorrow….sigh…

http://www.shapeup.org

http://www.mypyramid.gov/

http://www.diabetes.org/

http://www.fitday.com/

http://www.mayoclinic.com/

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Medical Consequences

Two weeks ago I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes AND an inactive, underperforming thyroid. I forget what the actual medical term is.... I am still in the process of trying to come to grips with this.

I have many thoughts about this and will post tomorrow.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Doing well

This is the second week of my self-imposed detox. I am eating mainly fruit, veggies, grains, legumes and greek yogurt until dinner. I then eat a light meal and drink some black tea. No this is definitely not calorie restriction because I love to eat. I have just realized that a vegetarian diet contains lots of protein and fiber if you plan ahead.

For instance, for breakfast I have steel cut oats with berries. After I exercise I have a fruit smoothie with frozen fruit, greek yogurt and water. For lunch I usually have some type of beans with brown rice, a veggie and water. For snack, raw veggies and hummus. Dinner is either a veggie or meat protein with a grain, veggie, and fruit. I drink tea at night to warn off the cravings. I usually put myself around 1,100 to 1,300 calories a day.

So far I have lost 3lbs and I feel lighter and healthier. I go to the doctor on Monday and I am hoping and praying that my bloodwork comes out fine. If you all have not been following - I am addicted to sugar and carbs. This is not a joke. That is why I needed to completely eliminate sugar from my diet and only eat the whole grains. Now I know that food normally has sugar but I am talking about the extra I would take in -- in the form of candy, juice, etc -- just because I was tired or bored.

Well getting ready to put the kiddies to bed --

Toodles!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Pushing back

Have you ever pushed back a doctor’s appointment because you were embarrassed or ashamed to face your doctor? Well I have been doing that for almost a year… I think. About two weeks ago I received a call from one of my docs asking me to call their office. Apparently my doc is moving to brighter pastures. I was crushed. I had to go in. I have not seen her since my post-partum checkup. That was over a year ago. During my pregnancy, we talked about my dissertation…she was in my field. We put together a plan for me to lose weight. In a way she was a mentor. I wanted to make her proud. So I kept putting off seeing her until I couldn’t do it anymore. I went in and found out that I literally weighed the highest I ever did in my life. Before I thought I hit that number last year. However when I read my journals from 2 years ago, I reached that “milestone” when going through my Depo episode. (In short - within 2 months I gained 30 lbs and it took a year to get out of my system.)

Now I stepped on the scale and it read 247. What. In. The. WHAT??!?!? I could have fell out right there. Needless to say it did not jump start my efforts again. It took me about two weeks to figure out what went wrong. How did I lose myself?

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Forgiving myself

Roni posted this today. It simply grabbed my heart.

I forgive myself for having believed for so long that…I was never good enough to have, get, be what I wanted.~Ceanne DeRohan

Friday, May 28, 2010

Brain Dump

There are many things going on in my head right now. I need to make a brain dump so that I can "move on".

Getting this doctoral degree is harder than I thought. Ok, so I downplayed the mental exhaustion..ooops. In addition, why is my mentor always taking a month holiday? Yes, the entire month he is on "holiday".

Did you know that when you take a picture, it shows you how the world really sees you?

Why can't my kids sleep until 7am when their dad is out of town for work. I need to get some sleep!

Bodybugg oh bodybugg, where are you? No, seriously, WHERE ARE YOU?!?!? My toddler ran away with it last month and I have not seen it... AT...ALL. They need to put a locator thingy on it for times like these.

Watching the exercise channel does not count as DOING the exercise.

Just because you do not log your weight, does not mean it is not there.

If you are trying to become a vegetarian but eat mostly carbs, are you really a carbitarian?

I need to focus on making it through the day. Focusing on losing 2 lbs a weight is really hurting me because I trick myself into thinking I can cram my efforts into the last two days before weigh in and then am "shocked" that I did not lose any weight.

It does not matter that you have not met your target weight for June. Do not give up. This is a journey!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Detox here I come

Yesterday I talked about starting detox. Well these are the reasons for this course of action. First, I believe that I am addicted to sugar. Yes, I know that there are natural sugars in food. However, I crave, simply CRAVE for refined sugar in things such as candy. Yep, I eat a bag every day. I usually have a breakdown at the end of the day if I try to avoid it. It is not a bag of chocolate but a bag of those sour cherry balls which are simply sugar balls coated red.

I also need to get some fruit and vegetables into my diet. If I am good, I will have one fruit smoothie a day which is a far cry from the 6 – 7 daily recommended amounts. I really need to get rid of my dependence on a carb laden diet and replace it with vegetables. Of course I know that my body will go into shock and will probably revolt. I am not going to replace all carbs but probably just switch them to the good ones. However, I cannot simply reduce the sugar / carbs while replacing them. I tried before and that method did not work. So I am going cold turkey.

The detox plan I will be going on is not a liquid one but it is basically a vegetarian diet for 9 days. I can have unlimited vegetables and fruit while limited items such as yogurt, eggs, brown rice and oatmeal. I know that I will not be lacking any nutrients because I will eat many variations of beans and vegetables. The only battle that I will have to fight is the one in my mind.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Mommy....are you a hippo?

Say WHAT?!?!?!?

Yes, my dear son, who is now learning about the exotic animals, came up to me and asked me yesterday.... Mommy are you a HIPPO?!?!?!

I swear my heart fainted.

That was the wake up called I need. Today I start detox to give me a jump start...again.

I will post more about it later because I am off to play group with the kiddos.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

My food revolution

I was going to respond to Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution on the same night, but I was not able to watch it all. The kiddies were acting up. So finally after watching the episodes I Tivo’d, all I can say is that I am very saddened.

First, the reason why I am so interested in this show is because my oldest son is turning 4 this summer. This means that kindergarten is right around the corner. I am trying to prepare and educate myself about everything elementary school. Food seems like the first and logical choice for me. It is something I can control. How? More talk about it later but back to my review of the show.

I am absolutely disgusted, angry, saddened, upset, and everything else about what we are serving our children at school. Let’s get serious; it is not even real food. From box or plastic bag to our children’s mouths; it should not be acceptable. What makes me even madder is that the lunch ladies did not even seem bothered by it. Okay, I get it; you only make what you are told. However, what happened to voicing an opinion? What happened to being an advocate for our children? What about being concerned about what is going into our little one’s mouths?

I feel that this is something I can control. Why? If I can teach my sons how and what to eat, it will establish their foundation for wanting these types of foods. Likewise, if my children only see me eat pizza, burgers, and other things like that, they will crave them. Of course, I can make the healthy alternatives to them. My goal is to make sure that their taste buds recognize real healthy food versus the imitators. I want to empower them to choose real food. I want them to be able to identify real food and realize that it has color. Real food does not only come in the color brown – much like the food they were serving the children at school.

I know that I have a challenge ahead of me especially since my sons are swearing off veggies. However, I will not give up. That is why I have changed my terminology from weight loss to healthy eating. I do not want them to see me obsess over the calories, carbs and anything weight related. I want them to see my getting excited about picking out veggies at the farmers market and helping me make healthy dishes. I want them to see my living a healthy lifestyle. The weight will come off as a result of my choices.

Friday, March 26, 2010

From weight loss to healthy living

I am shifting my focus from weight loss to healthy eating. Why? What happened? Well I think it was the combination of viewing Food, Inc. and my recent discovery of how bad school lunch is. I am watching Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution tonight and will probably be more determined than ever to push and maintain a healthy lifestyle not only for myself but my children. It is my belief that on my journey to feed my family local, sustainable food that not only will we be healthier but I will lose weight in the process.

I will chat more about this later. I have to get the kiddies ready for bed.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

I will survive

What is going on with me?

I can usually state a goal and work towards it with everything I have.

Now I just want to get by…and not get caught.

Maybe I need to redefine who I am.

I am a 35 year old mother of two – 3yrs and 1 yr. I am also wife to a hubby that has a traveling job. Oh, let’s not forget I am working on my dissertation. So in totality, I am basically a single parent (except on the weekends) that is in school.

I struggle to find the energy to play with my kids sometimes. I am so preoccupied at my laptop working on my dissertation that they have learned to play by themselves. I plan to wake up in the mornings at 5am to work out and do school work, but I can barely get out of the bed. My oldest son crawls into bed with me at night when daddy’s away and he is a wild sleeper. So I say that I will work when they go to bed. Well by the time they settle down, I am too tired and just want to watch some grown up TV. So I sit back in my recliner and rest.

I need to get my mojo back. I think I seriously maybe in some sort of depression. After childbirth my husband says I have no drive; he says I have changed. He wants the old me back, so do I. I want to complain that he is never here to help out which is why I am so run down and tired. However, he is working so that I can be a stay at home mommy and go to school. It would make no sense for me to complain. I just need to get it together.

When my house is messy, correction, when my kitchen is a mess, my whole day is a mess. So I need to focus on just keeping that one area clean, it is my foundation. It is funny how that one room controls my mood. If I just take baby steps, the rest will fall in line.

Well, lastly, you should know that most of the time I will not talk about weight. Why? Because my weight is merely a reflection of what is going on in my life. I have figured out that my weight loss journal will be 90% mental and 10% following the plan. Welcome to my journey!

Friday, March 12, 2010

Monthly Resolution

I need some goals so this is my monthly resolution. I have come to find that making a list of things to do for a year simply does not work for me. I can barely make it a week without having to re-evaluate my plans. So here goes nothing. This is what I want to accomplish for the month of March.

• Cardio at least three times a week
• Strengthening at least two times a week
• Yoga or Pilates at least once a week
• 90 oz of water a day
• Take multivitamin daily
• 3 to 5 servings of fruits and veggies a day
• At least one glass of milk a day
• Eat five to six small meals a day
• Keep within my daily caloric range

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Is it ok to be fat?




sigh… where do I begin?

I will just sum it up this way. First, we as a society, need to get the focus off of the scale and dress size and instead focus on health…IMO

I am a researcher by profession and am trained to take my biases out of the picture. The only thing that I look for when making a conclusion is the numbers. So, Like Dr. Oz would say…let’s look at the numbers… your actual bloodwork. If all your numbers are within normal range AND an internal scan of your organs comes back and says that your organs are functioning normally, then go ahead and be obese. However, I doubt that will happen.

Of course, not everyone will be able to afford one of those internal MRI thingys. So I will say, just look a honest look yourself. Do you have constant aliments? Are you out of breath? Is it hard for you to function in normal activities? Are you always tired? I am currently overweight mostly from birthing two little ones but I know this is not the lifestyle I want them to see. I want to be able to enjoy life with them, not on the sidelines because I am unhealthy. I am currently on my journey back to being healthy. I think being and staying healthy is journey and we should stop focusing on temporary fixes.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

When does it become real

When does a lifestyle change become real (tangible)? After 5lbs, 10lbs, 15lbs?

I am a quantitative kind of gal. I need to see numbers to believe the results. With me 5lbs is just water weight; that goes the same for 10lbs. So when 15lbs is gone, I might be on to something ;-)

I also measure my success by the hour. Some people look at making it through the week as being successful. For me, I just need to make it hour by hour to make sure I do not mindless snack. So I guess if I can make it until the end of the day, I will feel proud.

You may wonder, what am I talking about. Well, I need to make small goals in order to remain motivated on my journey. Of course, it cannot solely be about the numbers. So I am starting on a list.

How about you...what are (were) your goals?

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Mommy what is that?

This was the question my 3 year old asked me while he was looking in the stove. I told him it was fish (as I winced). He looked at me and then looked back at the fish and said..okay.

It was at that moment that I realized that the "fish sticks" from the box would no longer cut it. It is such hard task for me to find food for my 1 year old and 3 year old to eat. I tried giving everyone the same thing and forcing him to sit at the table, but that only made him mad. The now 1 year old resorts to spitting out the food and throwing it on the floor. Sigh...

Even though it maybe hard and may take some trial and error, we are all going to eat the same food. I just have to find some healthy child friendly recipes, even if they do look like finger food. I will not have my son thinking that those yellow logs in the stove is the way fish really looks.

Monday, February 22, 2010

So tired

So whose idea was it to schedule 4 (FOUR?!?!) children appointment's today?

That would be me... starting at 8 in the morning at the dentist....

I am going to eat some ice cream....

I am pooped ;-(

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Food dysfunction

I have a food dysfunction. You may say obviously…that is why you are overweight. Well, say it with me …duh! But it is not that simple.

Food is meant to nourish us. It is suppose to give us energy and help us live a long life. However, I have been using it as a crutch. I use it to mask my emotions. When I am stressed, I do not want a salad or fruit, I want candy, chips and anything that will give me permission to forget about my problems and enjoy some fatty goodness for at least 5 minutes. Whenever I usually finish up whatever it is I chose to eat, I realize either (1) I cannot believe I ate it all, (2) I cannot even remember how it taste and/or (3) the problem was still there.

I think this dysfunction comes from my childhood. I grew up in a household where my mother was always on a diet. We had Slim Fast, Weight Watchers, the 3 day diet, the grapefruit diet, and the cabbage soup diet. It wasn’t so much that she was always on a diet. It was the fact that it was taped to the refrigerator… all the time. When we went to the store, I always had to look at the fat and calories. It was not a teaching moment; it was to see which one she could eat while on a diet.

Thinking back to the contents of our fridge, it was mainly healthy. None of that processed food. However, that unfortunately was not the image that sticks out from my childhood. It was that she was always on a diet. Whether she knew it or not, this caused my relationship with food to be warped. In high school, I weighed myself every week thinking I was too fat. I was 5’2” weighing 125lbs. However I subconsciously always thought I was fat.

Even though we had healthy food in the house, the cupboard was always stocked with snacks for us. It is 4 of us and one is a boy. So we went through snacks like it was nothing. Thinking about my two boys – 3 yrs and 1 yrs old – I do not want them to grow up with a dysfunction. I do not want them to always see my husband and I on a diet. I want them to learn about food and how to eat it. I want them to enjoy it with us; I want us to be a healthy family. I want them to go enjoy going to the farmers market. I want to instill in them a good relationship that one can have with food.

Even now when I go see my parents, my weight is always mentioned. When I think about it, my sisters and I are now always on a diet or always in the gym. We never seem to reach that point where it clicks when we can get over our dysfunction. This is my year. I am determined to make it click.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Blame it on the ....

I think I set myself up to fail. It is either that or I am scared of success. Yeah, I will take door number 2 please.

I bought this Body Bugg thingamajig on my birthday, two weeks ago. My husband saw his fellow co-worker at a conference the week before and he lost over 80lbs. He asked him how he did it and he said it was all because of the Body Bugg. Instead of estimating how many calories you are losing a day, it gives you an accurate count because you wear it on your arm 24/7. It is like an electronic armband.

The first week I had it, I just let it tell me how many calories I burned. One day I decided to also track my food but after looking at the results, I was too ashamed to even put the other days in. I now realize that I consume way too many calories than I burn. I think I was and am still in a little bit of denial about how much I must change my eating habits.

Yesterday I started out great. I had a spinach egg white omelet with flourless wheat berry bread. I joined it with applesauce and some water. At lunch time I had a wheat tortilla filled with tuna and spring mix salad. It was topped with a mixture of balsamic vinegar and lemon juice. Of course, I had water as well. For snack I had a serve headache, I wanted candy. But since I was too lazy to go out, I had a papaya and mango smoothie. It was simply delicious. Then it happened. I looked outside and saw that our snowpocalypse was back – for the third time. The hubby came home and declared we were doomed – again. So he suggested why not chicken fingers, since it was the official food of a winter storm. I looked at him crazy and then gave in. So we go bundled up and hauled the two toddlers to the car and braced the storm all for chicken fingers, Texas toast, French fries, and a milkshake. What is wrong with this picture? I will not even look at the calories for the sake that I may pass out and never recover.