Friday, March 27, 2009

What is my actual goal

My actual goal is to be IN my child's life. When I look at the pictures from my first son, I am nowhere to be found. Now that my second son is here, I want to be IN his life. I am tired of hiding from the pictures. I do not want to be the mom who can't keep up with her kids or is afraid to volunteer because of my size. I do not want to be the "fat" mom.

I want to start living my life and stop hiding under all this weight. I want to be healthy. It is time. My actual goal is to live my best life. It is to become the person that I was put on this earth to be; not the shadow that I am living.

The journey is going to be long and hard. It will be uncomfortable because I will have to confront some truths about myself. I am going to have to battle with the self-sabotage. This is more than just about food. It is allowing myself to forgive my mistakes, get rid of my past and let go of the unrealistic expectations that were put on me by myself, family and friends.

Ready or not...

My mind is making me tired

So my little one is almost three months. In between taking care of him and merely thinking about what I need to do, I get tired. I am so tired that I have gained 7lbs since his birth. What is that about?

I just thought I should drop in since I have been "thinking" about it for a month.

Gotta go ... I am going to think about Roni's question "What is your ACTUAL goal".

I will chat about it tomorrow.

My birthday

So today starts off another year for me. This week I was able to put away all of my maternity clothes. Yes, that is right. A mere 30 days after birth, they no longer fit. This is attibuted to the weight I loss during my pregnancy. Now I am fitting into those clothes that were buried in the back of my closet because they were too snug. They are now falling off which is good, but scary. This means that I have to continue on this journey without the help of being pregnant. Now that sounds weird; usually it is the other way around.

Well today I am going to try to get in a shower before noon and merely wash the dishes in the sink. For those with little ones, taking a shower before noon is such a victory for me. I am also determined to make it three more months breastfeeding. Why only four months? Well that is how long I could go with my first one. I had supply issues and had to supplement. I am doing that now as well. I am taking fenugreek but it is making Noah so fussy! I might need to reexamine my food choices and water intake. But I am not stressed. I am going to a lactation consultant in a couple of weeks so I should be fine after that. I hope.